unexpected...

i had a devastating experience yesterday night.. it was the most horrifying, traumatic episode in my entire life! my heart, soul, mind...everything was shattered....

i was at my brothers room waiting for American idol when my mom told me to watch over my nephew (1 year old). when i finally got him to sleep. i laid beside him while i watch A.I. when he suddenly became restless on his sleep. he was moaning, moving, shuddering like he seem to have fallen for a bad dream or someone tapped him. twice he was in that state. i thought it was the t.v so i hugged him so he won't be disturbed anymore. when suddenly he had this total shock! like someone did a great deal of slapping him. i jumped off from the bed to carry him when he suddenly was shaking and became rigid and he's fists were effin hard closed and his eyes... oh God his eyes... they were moved up near the upper lid. almost hidden!

i was in total blank. for seconds i did not move... i couldn't think straight.. i just stared at him. luckily, my brother was there and shouted at me and i'm back to reality again. i carried him and run as quickly as i could downstairs while i was loudly shouting for my mom for help. when i saw her, i hastily gave him to her and my tears begun to fall. i didn't come to the hospital with them because i was really blown away by his unexpected seizure. (they drove him to the nearest hospital. my brother drove so fast that he made the 10 minutes drive to a 5 minutes one. wow!).

According to the doctors, his temperature was high. like 40+ degrees high! and suffered a convulsion. They bathed him with a cold water and put some paracetamol in his... butt? ok i don't know the details but the important thing is he's ok now. under observation still 'coz his tempt only drops 38 degrees and still is high.

I am very much traumatized by this experience. i don't know if i could take care of him without any fears of something bad might happen to him again. i have worked in a hospital before, i've seen worse cases. but it's so different when someone is 50/50 in your watch. Much more a baby/angel whom i loved so dearly.

No words can express my gratitude towards God. He really is so gracious.

See, this is why i don't want to be a doctor. i am too weak. my heart could not stand something catastrophic like this. specially when my family is involve. there's just too much emotion....