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Old Language

If the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans has their own native way of writing, my own Lupang Hinirang won't be left behind.

We too have our own primitive way of writing. At least our ancestors do. It's called Alibata.

Now I don't know the how's of this writing system, but by the looks of it and how the characters were written, I think it's pretty cool to learn how to use it. It's very tribal-ish.

Oh wait. I may not know how to use them but I think I can use them as a code for... my diary? or love letter maybe? haha

No freakin way!

I'm not gonna make fun of my ancestors treasure. It's one precious jewel that I can be proud of. 

And that's a fact.

Guilty

I feel guilty.

Well I am guilty all my life.

Guilty for caring too much. That I tend to give everything. Guilty for loving so much. That I tend to understand everyone. 

Guilty.. Guilty.. Guilty...

This is so frustrating I might blow up one of these days. arghhhhhh! 

it's been awhile since I last posted an entry.

I miss blogging =/. This is one of my favorite thing to do to release my frustrations in life. To unclutter my mind. In short this is my "stress buster".

Anyways, there were a gazillion things that has happened to me and my family in just a span of one week. Bad and good things. Not sure anymore on how I would feel about it.

First. Our net got cut off. AGAIN! That's why I haven't been online for days (as if someone cares duh!). But now it's back. So all is well again THANK YOU VERY MUCH :D

Second. There were alot of aches and mournings that came. Terrible news obviously. 2 of my relatives died. I'm not really close to them but still they were family so... Plus, the grandmother of my bestfriend also had to exit the world of the living =[.

They may all Rest in Peace. God Bless their Souls.

Third. The room of my two brothers is now done. YEY! I'm sharing the second floor of our house with them. It's not yet fully furnished and all but atleast they have their own beds now right? :D

Confession:

Our house is in the state of "repairing" for 5 years now (LoL). It's not finish yet but it's almost done. Step by step.

I get to have my own room first because I was in college when they started to make an extension of our house. Basically, so I could focus on my studies and avoid distractions like T.V., computer, phone @.@ (as if!).

But honestly, I feel like I'm a boarder in our own house. Renting (not!)  a small space (which is my own room). 'Coz (at first) I was the only one occupying the second floor of our house -.-

WELL NOT ANYMORE! wooohooo!

Fourth. Me was slacking all week. Since I have no net, I dodge all my do-nothing time either watching tv or sleeping -.-.

Our cable sucks! No interesting programs AT ALL! There were like almost a 100 channels and yet they can't produce a single fascinating program. Man! I wish papa had chosen sky instead of destiny (cable). pfft.

FiFth. I had a HUGE fight with my brother the other day. I dunno what happened. It just came. There were alot of shouting. And I cried so hard that I thought I had a panic attack. I hope it will never happen again. I super hate having fights with my siblings. I love them so much that it breaks my heart when something like this crosses our life. 

Sixth. This day was a BLAST!

The get-together that was organized by my friend Vanessa finally came to pass today. It was postponed for like 2 times already and I'm glad we celebrated it today. 

It's like having our college reunion. Only, there were 12 people participating.

There were alot of funny moments. Oh YES oh YES! Countless bloopers and laughters. My jaw almost gave up because of nonstop laughing. 

We stayed 3 hours in an eat all you can resto. Saisaki/Dad's/Kamayan. 3 restos blended in one room. NICE! One can just choose whatever he wants to eat from numerous variety of foods that were set in 3 GIGANTIC tables in the place. One table for Japanese foods. One table for filipino foods and other dishes. And one table for desserts which by the way has everything in it. Fruits, cakes, ice creams, pastas, etc. etc. 

We settled there just eating, laughing, talking and more eating hahaha. 

My belly (until now) is really BULGY. ewww. xD

here are some photos:

me and my girls trying to make a pose. har har har 

moi, Vanessa and Belle

oh how we all dislike Jap foods. Look how many we wasted =/

early birds. 2 hours early for dinner guys. 

After that.

Me and Erthen decided to not go home yet and went to Trinoma (a mall) instead. Just to take some snapshots at the rooftop and to also sip coffee at Coffee Bean.

Photos Below:

me and Erthen at Coffee Bean. 

YOU WITCH!! how dare you cook me?!!!!!

WTF. and my friend too only she's kinda liking it o.0! arghh!

The cutest pic of the night. aww!

getting tired and sleepy =/

me getting foggy-ish

oh and her too.

Whew! This is kinda long post. But heck! I will retire from this night with ease in my heart. Thank you FRIENDS! SA UULITIN!

Ni-ni everyone!

Kids these days. TSK!

ahh..Here's something new to my ear. Kids marrying kids? Can you believe that? I mean kids as young as 15, 16, 17 year olds. TEENAGERS for pete's sake! Is that practically legal? Now that's a big WHOA! 

The Coolest Dance ever!

'...he's a loser!" 

hahaha.. so cute.

"my only wish in life is that for me and my family to be happy. 

that simple.

is it really that hard to ask?"

If Only...

If only dying is easy. Then I will kill myself.

If only killing myself isn't a mortal sin. Then I will choose to have my last breathe tonight.

If only God can forgive me from doing that to myself. Then I will not have this heaviness in my heart.

If only I can...

Then I will wish for me to disappear tonight.......

edit: THIS IS ME GETTING EMO. 

OMIGOSH!

He started my day right.

hey guys look at this... my brother playing with a glass.



Instant distort. haha natuwa naman daw ako :D

WTF! I WANNA LEARN THEIR ROUTINE!!!
these girls are awesome.. plus their so sexay.

Way to go girls!

Too bad the vid was cut short =[

*I really heart this performance. so cute!

Do, Do you got a first aid kit handy?
Do, Do you know how to patch up a wound?
*****
I thought I should let you know
That my heart is
Damaged
So Damaged

*haha.. ang kulit

just got home!

The debut was ok. Not really that BONGGASIOUS. We all got hungry lol. They finished the whole ceremony first before giving out the foods. 18 roses. 18 candles. 18 treasures. 18 thousands. So they can't blame us if our stomach were crying out and making a fuss inside our body lol. Well the last part (the discotheque part lol) wasn't that bad though. Me, Mimi (my sister) and Nam-nam (my cousin) were groovin our butt off. Bouncing here and there. We don't care anymore about the other guests. It's like we have our own little world hahaha. Heck! as long as we had a bit of fun that's enough.

*lol that's what I mean by groovin our butt off..

* the debutant with her 18 treasures. my mom was one of them so...

*meet my partner. xD

Been sustaining much activities

Lets start from the day before today. 

I went out with some friends yesterday. Well, I haven't seen my girl friend Henz for a long time. So we need some catching up. We wanted to go to Metrowalk to have some girl bonding. Actually, we almost didn't gone through with the plan. hahaha because of money problems lmao.

Henz and I unwisely over spent our money (toinks). I know. Here I go again. I just squandered a thousand (plus) bucks on things last week and here I am again splashing away cash on tops, bags and pants. argggggggggggggggh!

We happen to dropped by at the sossyiest place in Manila. harhar. DIVI. ehh ok people who lives in Phils can understand that. =))

Moving on.. 

It was almost closing time when we got there. We sprinted the last minutes by looking at some opened shops inside 168. Bought 3 nice tops and a bag. Henz got a checkered skinny pants and a bra lol. 

We got so disappointed though after buying several things. We found out that, the store owners from the inside had put up a stall outside 168 to continue selling their staff at a cheaper price. We were so effin upset when we saw it. Thank goodness we haven't bought alot of stuff from the inside. 

We just continued shopping outside. I bought 2 skinny jeans, a dress, a pink stripped buddy bag, and an off-shoulder top. While Henz bought a black jumper, a top which is same as mine only different color and a buddy bag also hahaha. 

We were so hungry after DIVI, we both agreed to go to her apartment to eat. We had to cancel our night out because we emptied both our wallets and pockets hahaha. But then, we found out that her bro and his friend were to go out for some drinks at a nearby bar. And because my and Henz' feet were so itching to go out, we decided to come with them. Well, we actually turned their plan into ours lol. We had them agreed to just go to Metrowalk instead. hehe. So we did. 

• we had our dinner @Dencio's
• we had some drinks outside Brazh (something) resto

I spent the night over at Henz' apartment. We slept around 4 am (i think) coz we had some chit-chatting first before going to sleep. 

Oh before that, I texted my mom that I won't be able to go home because it was already late. pshh.. papa didn't agree though. I had to explain to them that it was late and all and I don't want to go home anymore because it was already a dangerous time. Was actually worried because my mom might get mad at me for spending too much on things for 2 weeks now. So I had my fingers crossed till I went home this morning hehe. Good thing they never shouted or scolded me when they saw the stuff I bought. whew!

Then tonight, my whole family and I went to dine out at some seafood resto in Manila. We wanted to go to Ocean Park first but it was already about to close so we headed to have our dinner instead. 

The night was actually very humurous because while waiting for our food there was a sudden blocked out. hahaha..there seems to be a prob with their electric power. This was my first time to experienced it lol. T'was really funny. I felt bad for the owner though. I'm hearing alot of bad comments from their customers (including us lol) =/. Oh well...

k have to sleep now. Tomorrow is another day. And my family were invited to come to this debut thingy from one of our relative's daughter. I don't even now the debutant haha.

Oh crap! debut = foods. Pfft. My dieting is really not doing well.. >.< 

I want all!!

this day is not so great.
i feel so effin lousy inside and out.

I wish I can disappear at this very moment...
I think you'd be happy if I'm gone..

OctoBER-east Cancer Awareness Month

The Hero of my Life

Since it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I would like to share a story about this dreadful disease, because it has a detailed significance to my family.

I grew up with my grandmother in Cebu. I was close to her. I was even closer to her more than my mom. I remember everytime we go to Manila to visit my parents, I would always cry whenever she attempt to leave me at our house. And even my cousins were very jealous of me. Well I'm a lola's girl. What can I do?

Lola has always been my savior. She was the one who taught me the value of family. She was also the one who waken up my belief in God.

As a child I didn't knew then about this disease. I only knew that my lola has a mass on her left breast. It was thick and hard mass. I remember caressing it and asking her, "lola bakit may bukol 'yung dede mo? anong nangyari dyan?" and she would always explain to me that when she was a kid she fell from riding a carabao and her breast hit the ground.

Think about this. My lola got pregnant 11 times. Can you picture out that maybe, her kids (including my mom) during that time, have drunked up some cancer cells included in her colostrum when she does her breast feeding?

I cannot imagine how strong she had been in fighting this dreadful disease. Her courage was really impressive. I think she was the only person I know that never gave up on life despite her suffering from cancer. She never displayed so much pain to her family. She kept it to herself.

Or did she not felt the pain?

Well you see, my lola was a very religious person. She really stays true to her faith. She goes to church everyday. Even when she was close to dying. She never had gone thru chemo but she did took some anti-cancer medicine (take note: Chinese herbal medicines). But I think her faith in God helped her fight against the odds of this disease for years.

I don't really know how long my lola fought this ugly and unforgiving battle of cancer. All I know was that she struggled so much. But you know what? I never saw her cry because of this. Infact, when she was alive, she was always smiling to everyone. She was more helpful to everybody. She didn't think about her condition. As long as she can help someone, then she's happy and contented.

The most painful part (for me) was she died a month after my High School Graduation. I cannot forget that day. My aunt called. She told us that my lola was rushed to the hospital because she was very weak. Mommy and I visited her. She was already unconscious. In my mind, I thought lola was just sleeping and that she will wake up later on and she will get better.

But that didn't happen. She died after 2 days. She didn't even open her eyes to see us. The weird thing was, there was this calmness in her face. It was like, she was really just sleeping. I guess her angels really did took good care of her. Maybe God told her that it was time for her to have peace.

Her goodness was really incredible. All the people ( as in ALL) in her hometown went to her burial. It was like the whole world was mourning from her death. Everyone was in full respect to her even when she died. I can't forget this crazy homeless guy who was all covered with grease (taong grasa) who went to visit her remains during her obsequy in church. He was crying! unbelievable! It's like, he can't remember everything about himself, but he remembers how my grandmother used to bring him food everytime she goes to church. So amazing. Lola was a living proof that angels really do exist. And my grandmother was one heck of an angel.

Until now I'm still missing her so much. I still can't bear the fact that she's gone. It's really hard to go through her death. My heart is aching everytime I think about her. And I'm sure my mom feels the same. I still haven't payed the good things she did to me. I wish God still had given me more time to be with her. But I know that where ever she is now, she's full of joy. And I know that even if she is not around physically to protect her family, I know that she's just here, still guiding us to be in the right path.

Lola, if you can see me, I just wanna tell you that I love you. And I'm really missing you so much..

sometimes I wonder...

*me with my nephew

Will I ever get pregnant?

or..

Will I ever become a mom? ...to a child stripped from my own flesh and blood.

or..

Will I ever be a good mom?

or

how will my kids look like someday?

hahahaha...

strange, How can I think about these things when I don't even have a man in my life (boyfriend/husband @.@). tsk.. Silly me.

you’re always on your way somewhere. the key is: find a way to be happy wherever you now, on your way to where you really want to be. it does not matter where you are; where you are is shifting constantly — but you must turn your attention to where you want to go. and that’s the difference between making the best of something and making the worst of something.

Randomness

- i'm hungry. i'm craving for S'mores Chocolate Cake.

- burrr. the night is cold.

- wants to dye my hair. I want it in shades of brown.

- I'm torn between, wanting to read clinical microscopy book and not being in the mood. (uh oh!!)

- watching Kahit Isang Saglit. Am I starting to be a fan? o.0

- should I go? or should I not? go to MC tomorrow to complete the signing of my internship clearance. 

- kind of annoyed 'coz i got no reply from my friends who I texted awhile ago.

-wondering why Bugoy is the one featured in MMK and not Laarni.

- ok. i'm really really hungry. grr.

my pre-halloween pic...(can't stop myself from laughing bwahahahhaa)

Camwhoring pic of the day...

*I look stupidly weird on this.

explains what I truly feel....

Fcuk It!

Alot has happened today...

Firstly. and I'm not sure if I'm regretting this or what....

I over spent too much crap for this day. urghh!! 

I know I planned to buy stuff for my review, but I didn't intend to disperse more than the alloted budget I have in my mind. I only aim to waste 500(haha kuripot! as if naman!!) pesos of my money. In the end, I used up more than that! OMFGosh! I wasted 1,500+ pesos on things that I may or may not even use someday. Sheesh!!! 

National Bookstore:

• Highlighter                             27.75 (x4) = 111.00
• Ballpen                                   19.75 (x3) = 59.25
• Ballpen Monami Love          20.00 (x3) = 60.00
• Double Sided Tape               49.25 (x2) = 98.50
• Mounting Tape                                            33.00
• Steno Notebook                    44.75 (x2) = 89.50
• Spiral Notebook                    89.75 (x2) = 179.50
• CorkBoard                                                   171.50
• additional: Cosmo Mag                              125.00

Starbucks:

• Strawberry and Cream                             150.00

P.S. There was this cute guy at SB. *giggle giggle* oh I just hate that I don't know how to flirt hahaha! Anyone? please teach me how...so I can have him! ROFLLMAO!!

ok. snap out of it Ruby!!! Back to your post lol.

Watson's:

• Veet Cold Wax                                            205
• Rexona Roll                                                 75.00

Department store: 

• Belt                                                               219.75

                                                           Total:          1,577

Then...

Oh Lord please! Not my mom. (Di bali ng ako na lang wag lang sya...)

We rushed her at Feu hospital. She's been suffering from fever and colds which started yesterday. She's been taking meds to lower down her temp, but still, it doesn't normalize.

Her body temp was 38.3. Her BP is normal though. 

But a shocking revelation from the doctor stunned my whole family. According to the doctor who handled her case (and the lab results), my mom has this disease that can jeoperdies her health...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FRIGGIN WAY!!!! 

We refuse to believe their findings so we might go for a second opinion from other doctors...

*I just know that God will not allow that to happen to my mom. I just know it... 

Surely, this day is one of the best days of my life...

I went to Megamall yesterday (since it's already 12 midnight) to see some long lost friends. It's been, hmmm.. i think 4 or 5 years since i last saw them.  

I was in the state of euphoria when I saw Carol and Michael today.

Oh how I missed them so much! 

• we ate at Yoshinoya. Carol's treat =D... between us 3, she's the only one working atm. so... 
• entered some art gallery. para lang magpapicture hahaha.. mga pasaway!!

Time and distance may keep us apart.. 

but the intimacy of our friendship will never be forgotten..

not connected by blood, but binds by heart..

me and carol.

we treat each other as real sisters.

Me and Michael. This fella really knows how to make us burst into laughter.

We really love him.

My encounter with them maybe short (for now),  but I know that it will never be our last. 

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you;
now it means you're pretty, sexy, hot, and you're takingyour time deciding how you want your life to be. And who you want to spend it with...

- Kim Cattral of SATC

Things I Love Thursday

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of
possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.”

— Gloria Steinem

I came across this site (GalaDarling) that features everything she is grateful for every week. And every thursday she makes a list of it in her blog.

She somehow inspired me to do the same. So from now on. Aside from my gratitude journal that I have, I will make it a habit to scribble everything that makes me happy and grateful for every day. Then come thursday, imma share it in this blog.

So for this week, this is what I'm thankful for:

• My mom - my life. my everything.
• Papa coming home - Papa's work is the reason why he is always away from us. He's been like this ever since I was a baby. And every year, he comes home but stays only for like 1-2 months. Then he'll be back working abroad after. So I'm really happy that he's here with us now. Thank you God!
• Mommy Neneng - my aunt. my second mom.
• Victoria Secret Beauty Products - papa's pasalubong for us. hahaha I'm still not even using any of it until now. Nanghihinayang ako. =P
• Tsokolates - haha makes me forget about my problem. yum yum..
• Friends - for spicing up my life hahaha.
• Not being lazy - yeah boy! been doing alot of chores here at home lately. Laundry. Cleaning my room. err..what else? hahha
• babysitting - having the chance to take care of my little nephew who is so adorable and so cute and has been making my days merrier because of his naughtiness.
• ending my make duties - lol. yep. just finished it last July. Para akong nabawasan ng tinik kasi d ko na iisipin 'yun.
• college credentials - which gives me alot of headaches. I've been keeping this from my parents. But since I'm done with my make up duties and have my grades completed, I processed and applied for it right away.
• and my late thank you's (I already wrote it on my GJ but just wanna share it)

- graduation last year - atlast! hahaha enough said.

- work @ Rizal Medical Center - for the experience but most of all for meeting new people.

"...kalimutan mo sya o ipaglaban mo..."

-a line from Kahit Isang Saglit

funny,

sana ganun kadali ang kalimutan o kaya'y sana ganun din kadaling ipaglaban ang isang bagay na gustong gusto mo...

I wasted 3 years of my life...

and this is my drama..

Come to think of it...

The last 3 years of my life has gone down the drain. I lived those years for nothing. I was careless. So immature. I didn't thought of what my actions can become. And this caused me to be so down.

I was absolutely lost. I wandered from the dark within those years. Everything that I was through those years were just a stupid sham.

I did not lived my life the way I want it to be.

Apathetic. That can be the perfect description I can describe myself during those times. I totally had become stoical about everything. Parents. Family. Friends. School. ahhh... my main reason why I became cold about everything.

You see, I know I have no right to complain or grumble about this. And I am really grateful because I completed all the levels a person must take in his/her studies. But, in my case, this has become really a problem for me. My interest in life is far from being a Doctor. I never dreamed of becoming one. Infact it never crossed my mind.

I know what I can do. What my capabilities are. It's far-flung from being a life saver. And my Papa was the one who keep on pushing me to be inline with that path. Of course, as a daughter, I have no choice but to accept that. Even if it's against my will, I just have do it. After all, the one who requested it was the one who I owe my life to.

But I should've rebelled against what he wants. I should've fought for what I want. Because it provoked me to give up what interests me. To forget about my own strength and fascination in life. The truth is, I did not grow with my decision. I have become reliant with other people.

But, right now, after finishing college, all I want to do is to make it up to myself. I want to regain the old me back. The girl who was so naive and yet so full of dreams. Full of hope. The girl who lives not just for herself but also for the people around her. Family. Friends. I know they gave me the true pressures in life, but still they were the outright reason for my living.

I'm 24 years old. I hope it's not too late to...

Well, I know I have God at my side. And through his guidance I know I can become a better person...

and that's just what want to say for now...

Who are we to be..questioning, wondering what is what
Don’t give up…THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Things I'm planning to buy.
(for my review ek..ek.. lol)

• A. LOT of BIG notebooks.
  
• pens
• pencils
• highlighters
• other books that I don't have. (or maybe I can borrow some to my friends. IDK)

I'm sure there are alot more aside from the list above. I'l know it when I find them at national bookstore hahaha....

il be making use of them.

soon...

*medtech books.. minus that economics one ahahaha.

Il be reviewing for the board exam this coming March. Hayz. 

Pressure!

Just thinking about it makes my whole body shiver with excitement and nervousness.
Ngaun nga nanlalamig mga kamay ko. waaaa.

*whispers* ....baka dahil sa bagyo lol.

I think I better start digging out my old notes, photo copies, and other resources for the review. I really need to prepare for this. 'Coz my parents are more excited than I am -.- (kaya mas kinakabahan ako eh huhuhu.)

subjects to study:

 hematology

 microbiology

 virology/mycology

 blood banking

 medtech laws

 serology

 clinical chemistry

 parasitology

clinical microscopy

 histopathology

hmm... what else is there? 

nyay. d ko na alam kung ano pa mga pagaaralan ko!! uwa uwa!! huhu..

wu-elpppppppp!

RaiNy Days....

I wish it will stop soon. 

Nina...Ofel.. now... Pablo

Week after week.. it just won't end.